I am tired of being left out. I get accused of not being friendly, and not wanting to join in when really that is not the case. I want to join and I try to be friendly all the time. I often offer to help people out even when I have other things I need to do. I invite people to do things with me, too. Mostly, I would love just to be able to do stuff with my "friends". I go almost every where alone and that gets tiresome. I go to eat on Sundays with people but now I believe that they are just tolerating me or they feel like it is an obligation they have to fulfill. After what I experienced today I think I will stop going on Sundays to eat and stop trying to do anything with anyone. I am tired of being lonely but I am more tired of being hurt! I think being alone hurts less...
I am tired of being told I am mean or hateful. I am not! I have a shell that I let few in, that doesn't make me mean, it makes me sheltered. I am trying to break those walls, yet when things happen like they have today, it makes me put the shell pieces back up and hide again. I love all people, I have said this many times there is not one person in the world I can say I do not love, I might not like someone but I love everyone. The wall is now up and I am sad... I have worked hard to break it down as much as I have. I wonder if it is worth the trouble.
So, now I have vented, I am sure it makes no sense... that is ok... I am just tired.... mostly of being me! Because mostly this is all my own fault!
Lord, help me not to let what has happened to effect my relationship with you or change who I am becoming. I need to just move passed it as I usually do and not let it bother me. I am sure the persons involved don't even know they did anything to upset me. It is all ok, I will just need to work on trying to be your friend instead of trying to look for friends here. Thanks for being here for me Lord.
"We can be tired, weary, and emotionally distraught, but after spending time alone with God, we find that He injects into our bodies energy, power, and strength." ~Charles StanleyThe Drawing: