Wondering....

Another one today... I have been battling this for a few days... not wanting to write about this because I fear it is selfish, to personal, or not uplifting. I need to write and share what I can, when I can, and who knows maybe it will help others, making it less selfish.

So, in the Bible there is a person who stands out as some one who praised God even in his pain and anguish of the things life brought him, and the things he brought upon himself.  David was a man after God's own heart and yet many times he was sad, depressed, had anxieties, and was fearful. He had some things in his life that should have kept him from being who he was to God, but in God's mercy and grace David's murdering and affair could not keep him from being close to God's heart.  Psalms 51 have the words David prayed to his God ask forgiveness for the transgressions. He had many Psalms that spoke to his inadequate feelings.

So, is it ok for us (Christians) to be depressed, sad, fearful, and general anxious over our feelings of self worthlessness, past transgressions, or pain inflicted by others? I think yes, but I also think we aren't to stay there. That is the hard part, I think....

I have some things in my life that "rear their ugly heads" at the worst times. They cause doubt... this has been a week for that. Doubt in my abilities, in my worthlessness, and others...  And even though I have tried to be positive, while writing the 100 Positive words... I am not sure I have succeeded. It upsets me that the smallest thing can cause those things to come up out of that small little compartment that they are locked away in, in my mind. A TV show, a word spoken, or an action taken, it is hard to deal with them, to work through them, and get them placed back in the box.

What do you do when this happens? Maybe you are luck and don't have to worry about this despondent feeling. I have been listening to music, singing, praying, drawing... for some reason it doesn't seem to be helping right now... I mean I "can" hide it usually, but not last night... so now I have that added to it.

I am really asking for prayer... maybe God can use you to help me through your prayers... I know I should put it all at the foot of the cross and walk away... ok that is easier said than done most of the time. And I know God understands what I am going through. I also know He doesn't want me to feel this way even though He knows we do feel this way from time to time.

Here is my prayer...

Dear Lord, please help me to get rid of these thought of the past and the thoughts that make me feel worthless in your eyes! Help me to remember that you don't make trash and you don't want your people to hurt like this, you want us to live abundantly in your love and grace. Help me to get that back Lord. In the name of Jesus Amen

Thanks for reading this and please forgive me for putting this out there if it offended you. I am just trying to work through it any way I can. God Bless You!